Jill, 40, talks pleasure post-cancer

AS: Can you tell me a little about your history with anal play?

Jill: I’d been curious about anal play since college, but was super shy about exploring in any real way (hyper-anxious about not being *clean* enough, despite prep) until a partner helped reframe that for me. His take was that “if you play in the mud, you might get a little muddy sometimes.” His interest in exploring anal play with the understanding that bodies are gonna body sometimes really changed things. Removing the panic helped me relax enough to learn how much a finger…and later, plugs drive up my arousal. Like, instantly. 

AS: To the extent you're comfortable, can you tell me about the health and treatment complications that have affected your ability to engage in sexual play/stimulation? 

Jill: Last year I went through treatment for triple-positive breast cancer - chemotherapy, immunotherapy, multiple surgeries and hormone blocking meds. I’ll give context as the contrast may be helpful; before treatment I was 38, had a very healthy libido, could regularly orgasm from penetrative sex, had never experienced pain with vaginal penetration & really didn’t need lube as my body was very responsive and self-lubricating with arousal. 

After the second round of chemo/immunotherapy EVERYTHING changed. Even on my good week, when I wasn’t sick and had a little interest in sex, sex became incredibly painful. Chemo had put me into medical menopause and vaginal tissues has become thin, dry and brittle. Eventually my interest disappeared and I only masturbated for maintenance to avoid vaginal atrophy. 

As treatments finished and my libido and body started to recover, I was left with (what I learned was) a super weak/dysfunctional pelvic floor. Anal play had gone from optional to a must-have for maintaining arousal/gaining pleasure from vaginal penetration. It's like the added pressure from a plug helps my pelvic floor remember how to behave during sex.

AS: How has it impacted the way that you use anal play and penetration now?

Jill: It’s necessary enough that I have multiple plugs and bring one with me when I think I may have sex (trip, play parties, dates, etc). I can have clitoral orgasms without anal play but have even put in a plug occasionally when I masturbate for a more intense orgasm.