Ask the Expert: Rena Martine

We talked to Rena Martine, Women's Intimacy Coach and author of "The Sex You Want" who gave us helpful insight into broaching the topic of butt stuff with a partner.

Whether you're just beginning to explore, or checking in with a partner, Rena provides some great guiding questions to open the conversation.

As with all vulnerable conversations, try to approach it from a place of open-mindedness and non-judgement.

"What are your thoughts on anal play?" is a great starting place for this convo.

From there, discuss each person's physical boundaries, questions like:

"Are there any spots around your butt that are sensitive or off-limits for touching?"

"Are there certain positions that just don't work for you during butt stuff?" "Conversely, are there specific positions that absolutely *do*?"

Because it can be uncomfortable to talk about at the outset, discussing the language around play can be helpful to stay in the mood, questions like:

"What words do you use when talking about your butt and backdoor play while we're getting intimate?"

"Are there an terms of phrases that make you uncomfortable or turn you off when we're talking about anal play?"

It's important to find ways that make our partners and ourselves feel sexy and also comfortable in our skin. Checking in with your partner to see what kind of language and touch does this for them is super important. Try:

"What can I do to be gender affirming for you during anal play? Are there certain words you'd like me to use? To avoid? Are there certain areas of your body you'd like me to focus on, or avoid?"

"Are there certain ways of engaging with backdoor play that feel especially right or wrong for you?"

And once you've explored a little bit and are a little more familiar with your body and what feels good, following up with:

"How do you like being touched back there? Gentle, firm, circles, something else?"

"Are you into fingers, toys, or something else specific for butt play?"

"Do you get off from anal play, or is it more of a nice add-on to other fun? Or somewhere in between?"

"What's worked best for you previously when it comes to backdoor play?"

These are just a few jumping off points to have candid, vulnerable conversations with a partner (and also good to ask yourself them, as well!)