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Serena talked with us about emotional impact on physical play, and how to approach it with yourself and a partner
Techniques for Beginners (and everyone else):
First and foremost, have a little shower or make sure you feel clean in and around your backdoor. This feels simple but can add to your confidence going into something new. Secondly, exploring your body with your own hands can go a long way in feeling comfortable and safe in partnered exploration!
Having Big Feels?
Try changing the narrative! For example: we’ve been “warned” it will hurt. Well, shocker! ;) It shouldn’t! Reframing the way you think about something that has historically been considered taboo allows you to take control over your choice to engage with it, and the ways in which you’ll experience it in your own body.
Body Talkin' - How Do We Make This Feel Good?
We need to give our nervous system TIME. Time to relax and reset. Time to trust and time to open up. Once our bodies settle into our parasympathetic nervous system, they’re much more likely to open up and relax. Deep breaths during arousal are *key.* By bringing attention and awareness to the area around your butt will create familiarity and comfort when you’re aroused.
Anxietyyy??
Tension is the enemy here. We hold so much trauma, tension, and anxiety in the pelvic floor; daily breathing exercises can help bring awareness and relaxation to the entire area.
Personal vibes v. Party vibes - What's the Difference?
In both solo and partnered play, the more parasympathetically dominant the nervous system is, the more likely the experience will be pleasurable, safe, and emotionally connected. Self play can have benefits such as body knowing, controlled pace and rhythm and reduced performance and pressure. Partnered play has the benefits of touch and oxytocin for soothing and co regulation, and shared vulnerability, meaning if we are BOTH doing this I can’t be only one who likes it.
Now Talk it Out
Communication is key - having shared language so you’re on the same page as your partner is paramount to a pleasurable experience; make sure “gentle” is “gentle” for you both, “medium” has the same meaning to both of you, and so on. It’s also a good idea to had a tiered level of comfort communication - an easy one to remember is the stoplight system: green means keep going, this is awesome. Yellow is good to pause at this level of intensity, while red is FULL STOP NOW.
I Saw the Sign! (Recognizing Pleasure in Your Body)
Slowed, deep breathing signals vagus nerve activation. This means relaxation in the places where you hold anxiety and stress (think jaw, pelvic floor, sphincters) and warm skin all over! It also activates salivation - think how dry your mouth gets when you’re nervous or anxious and how *the opposite* is true when you’re relaxed and turned on. Body scans can help us get in touch with how we’re feeling in new situations - what’s your breathing like? Does this feel good? Do I like this because I like this, or am I doing this for someone else?
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